Is marijuana harmless?

A few weeks ago a young man in Miami, Florida was shot and killed by police after he chewed off the face of a homeless man. Only in Florida, right? Anyway, the story made international news. It was first rumored that the man might have used bath salts to get high. Bath salts? However, when doctors examined the dead man’s system for drugs, all they found was marijuana. This has prompted researchers to want to conduct more research into the effects of marijuana. For those of you who think marijuana is just a herb that has gotten a bad rap, think again. Marijuana (which comes from the cannabis plant) is a hallucinogen. Got it? A stuff that makes you hallucinate. If I ever get an update on the research I’ll pass it along.

Fifty shades of gray

By now you have heard of it. Everyone has heard of it, but just to make sure, a London hotel recently removed the Bible from its rooms and replaced it with that book. A publicity stunt, some said. Maybe, but I haven’t seen their occupancy rate.

Legitimate rape?

As a writer I’m always looking for ideas for my next breakout novel. This week I think I may have stumbled on one. Picture this scenario: Young woman walking through dark alley hears footsteps behind her. She stops and so do the footsteps. She starts again and the footsteps sound once more. Scared, she begins to run. Footsteps pound closer and before long, the young woman’s neck is held in a vise-like grip and something pointed sticks her between the shoulder blades. A bone-chilling voice says, “What kind of rape do you prefer? Legitimate or ill-legitimate?”

A few months later a judge faces the rapist. “You have been found not guilty because you raped the woman legitimately.” The rapist pumps his attorney’s hand and scuttles out of the courtroom to find his next legitimate victim. In other courtrooms similar scenes are played out. A judge pounds his gavel. “The defendant is found not guilty of legitimate theft.” “This was a legitimate murder. Case dismissed.” And somewhere in Missouri a senator sits sobbing over his tea: “it’s not the words … but the heart that I hold.”

I have to hurry and write this thing before John Grisham does. It could be the next Oscar-award movie.

More laughs

Phyllis Diller died yesterday at the age of 95. She was one of the earliest successful female comedians and, get this, an ad copywriter. She attributed her long life to laughter. Here are a few of her popular lines:

You know you’re getting old when –

Your rocker comes with an airbag
Your birth certificate is written on a scroll
Someone compliments you on your alligator shoes and you are barefooted.